I ordered a iced vanilla latte,

Hi, I'm sitting here in 212 pier. I decided to do this last night because I have so many photos to catch up on. I can only be here till 6 because that is when my parking expires...maybe I'll go over to unurban cafe because I don't feel like driving home until 8....traffic.

I'm going to work out when I get home

and maybe go to the beach tomorrow, if not I'll be taking pictures

anyways, back to the title of this post...so I always order and ice coffee when I come here, but today I was feeling I little funky so I asked the short, brown haired, blue eyed barista who welcomed me back with hands in the air of what I should order. He told me I should order a latte, and all I asked was for some vanilla flavor and a lot of ice. He made it for me and with a smirk he called it a summer in america and handed it to me

guzzling it down, I remember that my body does not like diary products anymore after I had cut them out. what am I doing to my body? I haven't been healthy lately and it kills me.

now back to editing photos and listening to Listener, I'm feeling a little dizzy and the brown haired blue eyes barista just got off work and I saw him ride his bike through the large glass window. i just got up to fetch a cup of water, that tastes like oranges and watermelon because they combine it with the h20 for extra vitamins. much respect.

suddenly I feel better

she made friends with the sun, enemies with no one

but from the time the sun rose

to the space where it fell away

she would love, and it wouldn't take part

and every every day she would echo echo

in every single way she should let go let go

so she caught every one with her heart like it was her duty

we all have the same holes in our hearts

I almost didn't watch this because it wasn't a song, but it is.
It is one of the most intense videos I have seen in a long time.

PLEASE LISTEN, to the words.

Come on and sew us together tattered rags stained forever, we only have what we remember

"let's get growing"

God, Thank you

I didn't feel comfortable the second time around, especially after those two...you know...that.
Brianna got me scared, but only because I was ahead of her...so therefore I remained scared because I didn't have control. Along with not having control, I am also scared of everything- kind of, but last summer I really faced my fears. (thank you, kjt)

"where the HELL are we Brianna?"
"why are we here and how the HELL do we get out!?"

if we keep walking down, we won't get where we need, we will only get further down in our sin.

"we need to stay on the earth, we need the fresh air and we need the trees"

I remember all of this so vividly. God spoke to my heart and my soul.

have someone help us, they will! she said...but no I'm scared I said. I've been doing things I shouldn't do.

who am I supposed to trust now??? please tell me because this same night we heard our "best friend" confessed things through the window that earlier she lied about. it is sad to lose a friend, but it's also sad to see a friend betray her/us like that. so, how am I going to trust these people, these strangers.

I prayed
it worked
I will trust in You, and I will not be afraid

in the end, they did help and we walked upward, towards safety and towards the heavens. driven with disbelief- literally.

"now lets get back to our friends! the real ones" she said, lastly.

I felt incredibly lost

24, June

this morning I woke up, put my hair up, took a sip of water, opened up my laptop, and turned on some new Bon Iver. A month back I looked at Bon Iver tour dates and sadly he was only touring on the East Coast. A week later he had posted new tour dates..to only find out it was even a farther distance - Europe. with no hope, I still was curious to see if he had any new tour dates.

dun...dun...dun...

17 minutes past 10 am I clicked on his website, to find that he had scheduled a concert in LA! at the Shrine theater. the tickets JUST HAPPENED to go on sale June 24 at 10am.

my heart raced with excitements and disbelief, I was so happy. I texted Brianna right away asking her if she would come with me, and I'm pretty sure we got front seating.

I think it was meant to be.



September 19th at 8pm, I will be sitting in a beautiful theater listening to Justin Vernon strum away at his old guitar that he purchased on ebay from a woman whose husband had died and she didn't know what to do with it

two yesterdays, yesterday, today

two yesterdays I was feelign photographically, musically, intellectually, spiritually inspired. etc etc etc.

yesterday I was feeling ugly, fat, self conscious, couldn't find a right out fit, unhealthy but also yesterday I went to this party with Christine and every time I turned left or right someone was calling "Jessica!?!?!!, is that you!?!", I turned around about 7 times to find that it was just someone I either photographed, or went to school with, church with, etc.

but also yesterday I hung out with Bekka, and I will make a brand new post for that (I have a lot of posts to catch up on)

2 girls recognized me for my photography, which made me believe in my own self

an hour into the night, I looked amoungst the crowd and see my co-worker Kristen. So incredibly shocked, and I turned around and see my BEST FRIENDS EVER Megan and Brianna through the window


the night...just...kept...getting...better...

except a few hurt feelings from my best friends. I am always here for you.

by the very end of the night, more people kept popping up

can't believe it, still can't believe it

it's 4:20 am, june 25th and I'm still dwelling on this night;

what I've been waiting for

was to develop my own film! finally the day has come. it was so much fun, and I really got the hang of it fast. I finished before anyone in my class, even the teacher said we wouldn't finish today

but, I've always been a extremely fast worker and plus I was eager to keep going.

I think photography IS for me. thank you to everyone who pushed me back into this major.

I've been doing it for 3.5 years now...I can't believe it

what mischief you would bring, young darling

now that Bon Iver has become fairly well known, it has made me a little more bitter to the beauty of his music...but then again not at all because he is my absolute favorite and have been listening to him for years

I guess, I just hate when my favorite bands become mainstream. it has happened so many times this year and last.

it's going to be two years soon, since I saw him in concert AT SUNRISE. that was when absolutely no one I knew, knew of him.

I remember a couple years back, I suggested him to my entire friends list and then people started hearing skinny love- and then slowly but surely everyone knows of him. it's a great thing!

I remember last year in my math class, I met my friend Eddie who knew about Bon Iver too, without me having to tell him. I was soooooo shocked and so happy because I never met another soul who knew of him

well his new CD came out yesterday, I am waiting to buy a hard copy but for now I downloaded the bulk of the CD. it's not bad or good, it's just what he decided to come up with next. actually, I love it but nothing will be the same as For Emma.

towers- Bon Iver has been on repeat this morning

clear, concise, confident

"don't take days or weeks or weeks to work up a nerve...and most of all, don't be vague. someone needs to hear what you have to say., and the quicker you get to it, the better."

I want miscommunication to be gone forever, I think I'm working up that path.

the right one, of course.

your offer would only fall on deaf ears, a change is brewing, and it's for the better- so be patient

[oh, and I got a journal...and I'm making a goal to write and draw in it, alot. I like journals, I have never had one and I like the privacy of it]

the other night

ordered a pizza, danced and pranced around the house while we sang to the top of our lungs to paramore, third eye blind, atomsphere, jack johnson, bon iver, etc

......all night long

I love these kids, they are some of my best friends

"if it smells like funk, it must be us"

>>> >> > > >

maybe i'm in the black, maybe i'm on my knees

maybe i'm in the gap between the two trapeze

but my heart is beating and my pulses has start

cathedrals in my heart

partayayayay round two. redlands, Ca.

I never conform to party themes. I think they are cheesy and I would rather be comfortable.

partayayayay

along the path of seashells

a couple days back, I took meg out for her birthday. I took her to this burger place in Santa Monica called "The Counter". It was amazing. You create your own burger.

I got a veggie burger on a wheat bun, lettuce, onion, grilled peppers, grilled pineapple, and a sauce- that I totally forgot what it was. we ordered sweet potato fries and fried onion things

after we walked down venice, I bought her that brown tie die shirt that's fringed at the ends along with an indian chief ring. I bought myself two other rings as well, one reminds me of the globe. we also happened to pass by a million sea shells. I actually kept one that is big enough to hold some of my jewlery. we saw water erupting from the other side of the rocks. we and walked the board walk. we saw all different kinds of colored garages (but I didn't upload those photos, only the mirror one) and last but not least, we went to a candy store and tried all different kinds of weird