what I'm up too

I guess I'm just going to get closer to you, Lord...arn't I?

don't let me fall out of love, Lord

my notes from The Vine tonight:




Alison Griner, Annie Armstrong, Megan Cleveland, Brianna Wirtanen, Spencer Tortorici, Derek Sesma, Nolan Scott, Kimberly Bridenstine, Troy Bridenstine, Jennifer Thompson, Shelley Kent, Michael Fischer, Karyn Johnson, Jamie Jones, Evan Stookey, Christian Cleveland, Deanne Santos, Melanie Shatto, Ariel Webley, Bekka Gunther,Cameron Whitecomb, Lindsay Payne, Brian Nostaja, and all my coworkers
I am praying for you, so much

love you all

I'm always feeling trapped

why am I always so sick of everything?
I'M ALWAYS FEELING TRAPPED
burden, weighed down
by people, by technology, by the world
even by my friends
my fleshly desires take over
and suddenly I'm back to the start
frustrated, angry and annoyed
I don't want to live like this
I want to live a beautiful life, always

sometimes I feel like selling everything I own and starting over
what is the point of this world anyways? it's dumbing me down

I've been having this pull at my heart to be in the mission field lately, and I haven't answered to it. I guess that could be why I'm so frustrated...I'm not answering to God. I also feel like I've been praying so much for other people that I forget to pray for myself...but I don't know what I am supposed to pray for. I feel like I'm losing my touch.

I guess I love you, in a weird way

escape my thoughts
it works

but only for a certain amount of time
the comes one of those dreams,
i can control my thoughts

but I can't control my dreams

give my body back to the earth and not complain

lately, my eternal mindset has been overwhelming

i'm in love

I wish I could put it into words! I don't even want to take the time because I'll be up for hours...but I can talk for ever and ever about God.

coffee and chocolate cake

have you ever had it? it's great. I had it today with Annie and Brianna after we explored santa monica, discovered the venice canals, walked through the art night, got stopped by homeless people and almost scared (I forgot how many their are! I actually did a paper of homelessness last semester) and lived like young ladies.

Philippians 4:13

life has been beautiful lately



this was all today

the perfect space- avett brothers

heavy dreaming

when I woke up
and when I woke up from my nap
I dreamt a new feeling
I can't quite remember them though


today I went to school. it's midterm week next week that means I have to do my most important photo assignment before finals! but I already have in mind my final project...and this is what I'm inspiring to do for my midterm. I'm going to dress up my lovely friend up (you'll have to see who when I post the photos) as a cherokee indian in a rugged yet fashion-esque type shoot. I'M SO EXCITED! but yet nervous about the lighting and the studio part of it because it's so complex! but I think I can do it....I can do everything through Him who gives me strength Philippians 4:13

this was tonights homework:




we even made ourselves matching feather and bead earrings but I didn't take a photo

3rd couch we've stole from the street

step one: stealing the couch
step 2: breaking in the couch

step 3: spray painting the couch...this horrible hair

step 4: taking a photo of the couch and the art
and took it into megans big backyard

goodmorning

when I have a home

I'm going to make sure I have a room for a nice and relaxing little studio


and a little darkroom.

Bon Iver

this night, Brianna and I snuck in my camera because you're not aloud professional cameras in a venue without a photo pass. She put the body of the camera behind her sweater, which she was wearing and I put my lens in my purse. The security guard almost caught us! because why would I just have a lens in my purse? good thing I am a photography student...

it all started with skinny trees

gravity does not phase us

all the souls in this world

some short, some long

and there's more open space

their roots swayed

some right, some wrong

masses claim Your name

keep your hearts bright, I beg

some will be weak, some will stay strong

written with open minds, sunshine, and Brianna.

my biggest struggle

“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

ephesians 6 verses 2 and 3

let me tell you, the enemy has a very strong hold on my relationship with me and my parents. God is testing me harder then EVER before. every day, battling

please pray for me

for a while now, I've been urging to disconnect

I don't really want a cell phone

I don't really want a facebook

I don't really want a automobile

I don't want to live in a big city

you see, if I gave all those little factors up...I'd be giving up a little of my photography career and dream. unless I find an alternate route

Learning, Living

Today was a day for God
I spent it in full conversation with my grandma about the Lord. I love her so much!! I just got home from the lunch and I feel so fulfilled.

I am watching sermons right now, I will post one in a new blog when I find the right one. But now I'm listening to Third Eye Blind because when I write, I need music playing.

I miss Brianna, she's in South Carolina. I miss Bekka too. She definitely growing up into a beautiful adult, with an awesome life ahead of her.

I woke up this morning sore...no idea why. It's like the sore you get after doing a really hard workout at the gym. I think the sore-ness came from yesterday in the studio. I'm really shocked though because I think it worked out muscles I never have worked out because I am generally in shape.

So, I guess tolerating the muscles of the "studio-life" now, is that it?

I did a photography assisgnment yesterday with my friend Annie. I had to accomplish 3 different "looks" in 3 hours...with 3 different lighting patterns, lighting setups. It was so fast pace! I loved it. Unfortunately, I only got 2 looks done because they weren't the easiest things you could do.

Reminder, it's still school. But I have some studio time with my lovely classmate, Stephanie on tuesday! She is such a sweet beautiful older lady! with much style, sort of like J-Crew.

Here is look number 1. It was white on black...but get this, the background was orignially white! so I had to make it black with reflector boards.

Look number 2. Black shirt on black background with seperation of her shirt.

and they sacrifice their lives

in the land of all closed eyes

(I've been spending a lot of time with these kiddos lately. More than usualy. My best friend Megan and her little brother Christian. I love them so much)






lately I've been realizing a lot.

Glory to God, is all I can say

10 hours and counting

I have been at school for 10 hours now. I will probably not leave till about 8 or 9 pm either....which makes for 13 hours.

CRAZY
my major is finally setting in
and when people said that college consumes your life, and you get no sleep. I completely understand why now. The first two semsters, plus summer were not intense at all. Infact, it was a breeze. I did whatever I wanted, slacked off, and still passed.

I was so young, I didn't even kno what I wanted...and I still had the highschool mentality.

So this morning I woke up at 5am, left at 6am, got to school at 6:30, took a nap in my car from 6:30-7:15, waited outside the smc studios still 8, did my photography project from 8-10:45, ate lunch till 11, went to class from 11-1, took a nap in my car till 2, ate more food, finished my photography project from 2:30-4:30

and now here I am, in the library, and feeling accomplished. I don't think I have ever worked so hard...AND MY DAY IS NOT DONE. I will be going into the printing lab from 6-9 to process my photos and hopefully to start printing.

what a day!
and I didn't even have any coffee. actually, this whole semester I have been getting up at 5am (which isn't that bad...I love mornings + I love sunrise!) and I have been telling myself that I won't get addicted to coffee. I love the taste of black coffee! don't know why, so it would just be the death of me to get addicted.