on repeat

they are so much better acoustic than on their CD

routine:

this morning I woke up and went to get my oil changed, walked in the place and talked to the girl who is always there...telling me about how she has this camera and she always tries to take pictures of her cats and dogs, but never likes how color turns out so she likes the black and white setting, but if she uses the black and white setting then she can't use the animal and kids setting and how she feels stuck because both settings make the pictures turn out differently.
She has told me this story before, but I nod and smile and tell her she can use the animal and kids setting and then just convert the photos to black and white when she is on the computer.
She keeps talking and all I really want is to walk down to the street to starbucks so I can finish up some of my work. I felt stuck in conversation. I also felt selfish for not being interested at all in what she was saying.
Eventually I left and I was walking to starbucks, that many people who I know work and walk into that specific starbucks and how I would most likely see someone.... I was thinking of who I might see, what feelings I have towards that person. Do I act like I see them? or do I just stay completely focused in on my work. I start to think about how so many people I know still live in the valley, have average valley jobs, do average valley things, hang with people from the valley, hate the valley, love the valley, valley valley valley.
As much as I love the valley, I don't want to be here any longer. I have great friends, I always have awesome adventures, I take good pictures in the valley. My whole life has revolved around here minus the small part of my life consumed in Santa Monica.

UGHHHHHH, my mind feels.
I don't want to grow up and be here
I don't even want to grow another year and be there
I want greater adventures
feels greater feelings
meet great people
see great things
EXPERIENCE, FEEL,GROW, LOVE, LEARN

I just feel stuck on my next step in life
I have this photography career that I want to bloom and expand 100x more than what it is, I feel stuck in what to do
I have this wanderlust in my heart but I feel stuck on where to go....who to go with...when to go

I don't want to feel stuck any longer
Lord, please guide me

I've been weak

I've been feeling the guilt

I've been seeing the consequences

I've been understanding

and I've been wanting to change it all

below my feet- Mumford and sons

^ my life in a song, lately

at least today I do


made to release some of my frustration, dissatisfaction and stress


i'm so excited to go away for 2 months and not take pictures...at least not for a job, school, or something of that nature




I'm so excited to be free from all I know
wanderlust, and what not

ever since my college counselor confirmed that I had completed over 60 units to receive my first college degree (AA in Photography), I've had this still and silence feeling of slight sadness that has grown stronger as the last week of school approaches me.

Earning a photography degree was incredibly awesome...humbling...eye opening...life learning...people accepting...friend making...and most importantly growth of myself.

I went into college not wanting to make any friends, nearly dropping out of photography in general and wanting to finish as S O O N as I could.

None of that happened.

In fact it was all the opposite.

....I'm attached....

this always happens to me... this is how I felt leaving highschool. College was the same as highschool; a small group of people who all know each other, talk about each other, revolve around each other in a sense. you know what teacher you're going to get for what class, and all of that.

College was exactly what I needed in this young stage of my life entering adulthood. It's all so weird now though, like leaving and this time not having a program or school to go to. It's just life now... it's finding work and doing your BEST! I hope I don't fail. I hope I am successful. People tell me I will be, but what is honestly up to me to decide. But of course I am going to be. Why would I not? so in 10 years when people asked me what I did with my life and all I can say is that I never accomplished my dreams. no....

Anyway today was just another little reminder about how a stage in my life is coming to an end. It was the last day of normal class. 2nd to last time I might see some of these people again. 2nd to last time I'll be at Santa Monica College- where I spent a lot of my energy, life, love, stress, happiness, tears, feelings of accomplishment for the past 3 years.

Standing up on the 9th floor (pictured) of my friends apartment and looking down at spread out  eucalyptus trees and watching humans as they frantically walk to or from wherever they may be going ....being reminded of how small we are and how big life is.

It's all so weird...

...and I hate goodbyes

whatever, at least I enjoyed today but it was all so melancholy 

May 27th

Annie left for the East Coast two months ago. The last time I saw her we went to in n out and I shamelessly ate a bag full of vegetables while I watched her eat her double double, well done fries and dr pepper. That night I promised her the next time I saw her I would enjoy in n out with her.

and tonight the promise was fulfilled...and it was so worth it.

I picked her up from airport, we sat in a windy park with our dinner experiencing the energy from the fast pace street and loud sky while we talked of Connecticut, New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts, and the things inbetween.

it's all so silly

times goes by so fast

I love her

house of capes gallery. may 26th.

tonight I enjoyed my age, specifically