Monday, June 2, 2014

June 1st

I shouldn't be or feel like this in all honestly.
I woke up with a hotness in my head, a numbness to my body. I quickly stripped from the leggings that hugged my thighs down to my angles and covered with the thinnest of shorts. I threw myself back into bed, 6:30 am, wondering if that would hinder my day.
It did.
I didn't do anything except submerge myself into a negative mindset with many inward complaints.
Breakfast was good at least. I've been eating the same thing. Yogurt with museli, raisins, cinnamon and a dash of honey.
I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. Everyone told me it would be a good idea, that the air could be somewhat healing to the way I felt.
The weather was like Los Angeles. I laid in the sun. Heat is not really my thing- it sucks all my energy. I stayed there, though, chatting with Lisette. We talked of the future, brought up the past but quickly found ourselves talking about the present- that is always a nice thing. Be here, in this moment.
We were reflecting on ourselves.
Talking with others makes me learn so much about myself. I guess it's my way of processing. The conversation could be summed up by these lyrics;
" curse my restless wandering feet
prone to wander endlessly
all the love you gave to me
oh, it wasn't enough to keep me" [the oh hello's]

I'm thankful for her. I find in life, since forever, I've always had that one friend, like her. That friend is always about 3-4 years older than I am. I adopt them as my older sisters, a gift from God, someone to totally relate to and someone to help strengthen me. 
Later I listened to 2 sermons; 1 on the goodness of God and the other how we shouldn't waste our precious days.
I can really be such a brat. I can really use much prayer. I'm such a girl, with so many moods. I'm so passionate. It's great, but too much of anything can be a weakness.

I sit here now, gathering my thoughts on the keypad of my phone in a red gazebo, sitting on the wood watching the sun go down and the simple lyrics coming through my headphones repeat "it's the sun in your eyes" over and over again.
It's so beautiful now, the golden sun reflecting upon the lily pad filled water, casting pinks and purples in the iridescent sky. The clouds are slowly fading, as is the sun. There is a couple taking a photo of me in the distance, well, they are taking it of the gazebo, but here I sit on it. 
I always wonder how many photos of strangers I am in, by simply being the the background of what they thought was a beautiful moment.

I woke up this morning thinking "wow it's June first, maybe I should set a new goal". The idea of learning Swedish still haunts me. I give up so fast. I decided I'll wake up 30 extra minutes earlier to walk and pray...I desperately need it.

Well...the sun just set and my phone hit 20%. I'm  going to continue on my run back home. 
I thank God for the beauty that surrounds me at this moment, for this cool air and for the people who continuously ask me how I am even though I really don't feel like telling them....I could have it much worse ;) 

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