Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Up until right now

I get the question "How is Sweden?" "What is new?" "What have you been doing?" all the time from  friends and family back home but you see, this question is a more than a simple answer. Attempting to put the these last three-ish weeks into a single blog post would be difficult and a lengthy task. I'm not sure if words could describe them but rather emotions- emotions so deep in the moment that only have a certain place for the ones who shared them with me. "Sharing life", a term I've adopted while being here, could be a good way of phrasing it. Sweden, Canada, Germany, Australia, Madagascar, Finland, The Netherlands, Egypt, Columbia and India are places that these beautiful people come from and from there they bring along characteristics, accents, differences, languages, love, joy and much more. From the time I walked out of the train feeling unsure of what I was getting into to the time I sit here on this red couch with lit candles around comfortably typing this message to you- it's been quite a journey. I've been blessed more than one could imagine.  So when you ask me how I am or what I've been doing, it's hard to say because every day has been so different and so beautiful. There are so many things to talk about like the reality check I'm having from being from Los Angeles, the entertainment capitol of the world and/or  how I've been spending every waking moment with people so much different than I am. I won't get started on that...that would be it's own blog post in itself. I'm learning so much- about God, about myself, about others. Learning about where I've come from, how it has molded and shaped me- learning about others and cultures and simplicity and vulnerability and peace and silence.
And the people I'm around- I'm not sure if I could have been blessed with a greater group of humans. I feel like I've developed a new and unexplainable kind of love and appreciation when I look at them, hear them and be around them.
This experience thus far has been so special that I can barely re-tell myself when I'm reflecting in my journal , so I hope you understand my partial description.

I guess I could describe it this way; if you took every human emotion and feeling and tried to hold them, you quite possibly would only have them for a short amount of time before they started to pile up and began to slip through the cracks of your fingers by their weight and quantity. I guess that is kind of how I've been feeling... and these photographs you see here can only express a small percentage of everything that I've tried to grasp and hold onto. Many of the other moments fell through the cracks of my fingers and I never got to hold onto them- but I'm so happy I felt them.

And as for my soul...I think I'm content. I feel peace about where I am and it's such a foreign feeling. I still find myself questioning this overwhelming sense of contentment, often times looking at the map and seeing if my soul longs for anywhere else (which sums up my recent years in life) but I fail each time. I'm happy in Sweden, I'm happy to be by the river where the tulips and daisies are grow in the grass and where I can get anywhere on foot or faster by bike. I'm happy to laugh so hard one moment and then cry my eyes out the next yet still be welcomed warmly by this community with open arms for exactly who I am.

I often find myself in a day-to-day repetitive conversation in my brain mostly asking the same question again and again of "Is this real life?"

My soul is stretching

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