Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Feb 12 2014

I was on a run the other night and on the last 5 minutes a thought came across my mind of "who am I"…I think it might have started with the fact that I was thinking of how I've been single for a significant amount of time, which lead to the thought of how people are always telling me how blessed this opportunity is to be single, to discover who you are blah blah blah. I've always been on this mission of who I am, as a young child. I always look up to teenagers and young adults, thinking they were so cool. I always wanted to be older. I got into my teens and I still have on this huge mission of discovering myself. It was a beautifully painful experience. Painful because I really didn't understand who I was and beautiful because I could sing along and relate to lyrics like "my roots have grown but I don't know where they are".  After all those thoughts flooded through my brain I realized that I think I have a pretty good grip on who I am. Recently I've had to incredible craving to learn- about everything and even more recently I've learned deeper about myself. It has been such a beautiful journey. I truly am surrounded with a great group of humans in my life who reaffirm me, care about me and people whom I truly care of as well- not to mention they are from all over the world. I've been on a serious mission of making my life greater-stretching myself to be able to accomplish much and praying that God will use me in a multitude of ways. I don't know about you, but I want to be someone who God trusts with A LOT. I don't want to just survive, I want to thrive and live out the most beautiful moments. I just want to serve. I've been in such transition season of my life- my whole mind continues to be renewed and I feel like lately scales have been removing from my eyes and I've been seeing the world around me in a more raw way.
Speaking on beauty, I've been experiencing the most unexplainable beautifully simple moments in life with much gratitude  and have been  in awe of life lately. A couple nights ago I was in my bed, in the dark and there was just a little bit of light entering the closed blinds of my window from outside and that light softly illuminated the square window fading out into complete darkness. I was half asleep but it was simple yet so breath taking. Another time I was driving down the street to get coffee and this acoustic song I had never heard came on, and it was such an amazing moment- with the sound, the  warmth of the day and the golden light that was shinning on every building. This morning I was laying in my backyard, attempting to get a little golden tan (I guess I'm just lucky to live in SoCal because everywhere else is freezing- but this is normal to me, not weird) and the sun was so bright it forced me to close my eyes but every time I would open them the feeling of the outdoors was incredible- I don't even know words to explain it. Every sight was so beautiful. Tonight in church while we were worshipping, the lead singer stopped singing and the voices of the crowd were SO powerful, it brought such happiness to my heart and I fully embraced the moment.
I guess I have been embracing life lately, or maybe life is embracing me-- whichever the case, God really is good, he answers so many prayers- little ones, big ones, anything. 

I'm so all about life right now

15 days till Portland
50 days till Sweden

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