if you want to be free, be free

of course I'm going to be bold

I need to ask certain questions to understand my own life

2012, my year to be strong


I don't feel like writing on here for a little while

christmas eve service

i deleted this post because i hated it

Dear Lord,

I want to give my life back to You
I'm holding onto it way to tightly
people, events, and wantings
they are getting in my way

I feel like I am dreaming of this amazing fantasy fairytale
that won't come true
I'm giving up
and giving it to You

endless in between

were just living this life
it's passing me by, by so fast
I look at myself and ask where the time is going
I watch hair grow, day by day

tonight was so much energy
wrapped in my head
I can't grasp it
and my arms can't wrap the surface of how wide it is

my ideas are becoming more crazy
I need some form of self explosition
where I can let it go
l e t i t a l l g o

right here

is an interesting group of people
at least to me

"you are very controlled by your feelings,

....Jessica".

Annie Armstrong told me that tonight
I like when people state things about me
because I can't see my outside
I can only see OTHER peoples outsides


well it's true folks, I'm very controlled by feelings

is it bad to be impulsive or have a strong feeling for something?
I guess that is how I've always lived...


I hope I never have a broken heart. period.

so let's start with the last day of school

or at least the last couple days of fall semester 2011. I took photography 3 which is a 6 unit horribly hard and time consuming commercial photography class. Basically PRODUCT photography, I hated it but this class taught me how to work hard for the first time in my life. Believe it or not. I almost dropped it in the beginning, shed tears in the middle and ended up making great friendships. This class completely turned around on me from horrible bitterness to almost feeling sad to leave. My brain has never been expanded with so much knowledge before.

my class:


I also took photo 4 which is a portrait photography class. this...was easier but not as easy as I thought. It taught me how to use studios for portrait...which I was so stubborn and thought I didn't need. I'm glad I went through it. For my final project we had to pick a "theme" and my theme was boarding. Within that theme I tied in fashion, gymnastics, couples, and a group shot because my teacher asked for a group shot.
my class presentation could not have gone any better


speaking of boarding, I started to skateboard and I feel in LOVE...but the day I fell in love is the day my board got stolen. I'M SO SAD.


All I canPhotography is definitely the hardest subject I've ever studied.

I miss writing

I'll come back and let you know what's going on




to my souls,
plural
never a negative feeling
I just don't like being apart
there's a few of you
just promise to come back
let go

I've been meaning to update

but I CAN'T! either I'm not home near a computer
or I WANT to write but my excited thoughts can't keep up with my normal hands and body. it won't let me do it.


a lot has been happening
not all that I understand

CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!

last day in the smc studios (until spring...)
I'm so happy I stuck with the class instead of dropping it
hardest class of my life
final on wednesday then winter break!!!!

at the moment,

my room is a mess
my car is a mess
my brain is a mess

all because of photo 3 which is the hardest class I've ever taken in my life...not to mention it's 6 units.
I feel like I'm in photography hell

5 more days till it's all over
.....if I pass

European Bands

are the best bands

Noah and the Whale

Ben Howard

Bombay Bicycle Club

Stornoway

Life in Film

and saw The Kooks last night @ the music box!!! crazy but awesome night...have been wanting to see them since I was 15 years old.

Franklin & Annie

have you ever thought about the weight of Los Angeles?

did you know the tallest building in LA is a bank building aka MONEY RUINS EVERYTHING. or at least the bible tells me so. surrounding that building is about 5 other bank buildings. MONEY RULES THE WORLD.

well last week I thought about mass production & sugar+salt because I was reading ecclesiates 5:11 "as goods increase, so do those who consume then.

health facinates me

and tonight I was reading in proverbs 4 "my son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body"

I have been having a battle inside of my brain over things that I can and cannot control. the things I was most are the things that I cannot control

come back sometime, I assure you it will never be too late

I still want to hibernate

I'm sick the world, but it's sucking me in

a lot of thoughts have been running through my mind, but I don't feel like sharing because what is the point?

recent likings + doings

food:

top ramen + ice cream sandwiches

snow peas + rice cakes

clothes:

yellow beanies

light jean jackets

printed sweaters

bands:

metric

ben howard

cold war kids (old stuff)

florence & the machine

places:

malibu

los angeles

photos:

I might just fall off the face of the earth

or at least I wish I could

I feel like no one completely understand me, and it frustrates me. I'm a lost soul.

I need to hibernate

I wish my brain could just slow down

I'm stressing, lately

even my dreams are telling me so


why must I enter adulthood?