go on, fill your heart up with gladness. not a moment too soon.

Cos' the very thing you're afraid, afraid of

It keeps you clean but unclear

Clean but unclear

Is the dirt that you're made, you're made of

And thats nothing to fear

No, its nothing my dear

How did i know what you're thinking?

Maybe i thought it before

being on the outside looking in
all might not be wearing thin
absorbing every thing around
for us might be simple common ground
desire for catching the tune
written by the cold light of the moon
not comparing but lead on contrast
drift, draft, burst, blast
a  blessing that stumbled years ago
that caught me from my ultimate low
my own heart committed the crime
connections that bleed through veins of time

April 18 2015

Today I hosted a lunch party for our possible new roommate! Nothing makes my heart more happy than an excuse to decorate a table & cook for amazing people. For this beautiful Saturday afternoon I made chicken skewers marinated in lemon pepper yogurt over night, a shell pasta with home made pesto, roasted asparagus, sun dried tomatoes and feta, bread and rose honey butter, and fresh watermelon accompanied with a honey green tea and cucumber mint water. For desert we had pineapple orange and cucumber mint lime popsicles!

Don’t be ready, be free

"Ready" is for people who trust in themselves,

Who want to live small & safe lives.
"Freedom" is for people who trust in the One who made them,
Who want to live lives too big to be ready for.

quoted source

dreaming + planning for Europe this fall

+

she said "I'm anxious" to herself
it always starts off that way
hearing of someone and how they have such direction
"who do you want to see anyway?"
but the feeling lasted night and day
as usually does when she is living in LA
something is in the air and it's sort of mysterious
what are feelings
that they wring so deep

she sat there feeble and fallen in strength

her heart can doubt without a clue of her mind

breaking through dwelling and the depths 

lead to subtly swollen tears

she shouted "it's greater than me!"

we all have these simple plans,

oh how are heart and soul conflict

what are feelings

that they make you weep

Spring Brunch

gath·er

/ɡaT͟Hər/

1. come together; assemble or accumulate.

2. bring together and take in from scattered places or sources.

Being a person fascinated by food and having a natural awareness of what it does to the individual and how it affects a social enviornment; most  stories relating with food start with a remembrance of family. Here in Los Angeles where family may be miles, states or even countries away, family has coined a new meaning.

My dear friend and chef Meredith Ouzounian always brings her "family" together each season with a creative assortment of house made drinks paired with her own recipes and an assortment of creative activities to keep everyone engaged.

Arriving mid morning for the spring brunch, colorful and patterned dresses fluttered around as all the girls gathered around, chatting, as the array of dishes slowly started to be placed on the table one by one in the dreamy and well decorated garden. Laughter, ideas and a positive overflow of the heart filled the backyard as we sipped iced coffee and blood orange mimosas. We dished up our meals as we caught up from weeks and months of busy but blessed life stories, challenges and answered prayers. Everyone scattered around different tables and picnic blankets savoring every taste and enjoying unique additions to the meal like squash blossoms, english peas, kumquats, hints of mint and notes of lavender.

Full hearts and stomachs, we came together and continued traditions like decorating eggs while discussing varieties of creativity, love and the vision for life ahead.

Menu by Meredith Ouzounian 

+ Buttermilk biscuits with fig butter + raspberry jam

+ English pea, lemon brown butter, roadted walnuts, thai basil, pea tendril salad

+ Parfait; lime creamed yogurt, mango, earl grey granola, chili blueberry sugar

+ Strata; spring onion, zucchini, sundried tomato, fennel pollen creme fraiche, black olive powder

+ Kumquat lemon poppy seed tea cake

+ Weat berrie, artichoke, amaranth, golden tomato, radish, lemon verbena vinaigrette

+ Bacon maple corn meal muffins

+ Lavender cashew macarons 

+ Thyme tangerine green tea

+ Mint strawberry chamomile tea

+ Blood orange cranberry mimosas

+ Cold brew coffee car 

Egg nest coconut macaroons by  Melissa Ouzounian 

Flower arrangement by Annie Armstrong

Grace /noun/ refined movement

distorted and distracted

for all that I wasn't planning to be

slipping softly

the words of mouth, the collision of hand

forgetting and falling

for all that meant so dear to me

slowly strayed

pointed to begin, scattered to end

Minnesota

This day last month I left for Minnesota. If you have been following my life to the slightest by now, you would know that I travel and have a big heart for going to other places. I try to go to a new place every time, do new things, possibly with people I know or just travel in faith praying that I would meet people along the way.

However, this time was different. The trip to Minnesota started on June 14th when I was sitting on the red couch in the prayer room of my home in Linkoping, Sweden. I was laying down and I prayed out loud, realizing I would not be in Sweden forever, "Lord, where do you want me next?" I closed my eyes and received the letter M clearly in my vision behind my eye lids. I put my books down and picked up my laptop researching every city, state and country with the letter M on the YWAM page. Nothing felt "IT" although I kept coming back to Muizenberg, South Africa, Madison Wisconsin, and the Mediterranean…but still not a complete peace. I carried on with life and with learning to love as I swept across Sweden from the east to west and over to Iceland to later circle the whole country by car.

In October, I had a great desire to be in Iceland, to learn a language and travel (of course) so I looked up on google places to learn Icelandic and found that Minnesota was one of the only places to learn the language and so it began. That week alone I had heard Minnesota 4 times and would hear it every day to every other day until the end of the year with many strange encounters and way TOO many meant-to-be's. I signed up for this site, that was more by accident than by choice to find missionary friends to travel with because I had felt the urge to travel to the remote islands north of Europe and the calling of Minnesota for the past couple of months. I "met" Sven through there, in November, which by chance he was living in Minnesota, and we remained friends by email contact. Weeks later after short emails and a shallow friendship, Sven and I would not meet after all because of mix-matched schedules. The next few months I researched Minnesota a bit but talked with the Lord more. I was confused on why the Lord had me going to Minnesota. For one, alone, not knowing a single soul in the whole state. Second, when I had "met" a friend, I found out I wouldn't even officially be able to meet them. I know I had to go though, because it's not somewhere I would choose to go for my spring break but I felt it too strongly that I couldn't NOT go. I kept living in faith about it through bible studies, prayers and obvious encounters with Minnesota & I. Everyone around me was aware of the fact it was shadowing over me as well.

Two months passed by and 72 hours before my flight Sven contacted me letting me know that he would in fact be in Minnesota after all. 

Upon arriving in Minnesota and feeling filled by the spirit-lead conversation with the boy sitting next to me on the plane, I headed down to the Mall of America, which prior had been had terrorist attacks but I was eager to go from my 10 year old childhood memories of watching Marykate & Ashley. While I waited for Sven, I perused the area, watching hundreds of teenagers gossip and laugh, observed dozens of mothers hold their childs hand as they eagerly tried to escape, children were eating ice cream and parents were guzzling down caffeine and thousands of people were spending hundreds of dollars in the massive three story mall with a built in roller roaster and theme park. When Sven arrived we quickly got Caribou Coffee for my first time and took a thirty minute car ride to church, with the sun blaring ever so golden, conversation slowly flooding the car while Sufjan Stevens played in the background. A natural peace entered my heart as we walked up to the conservative church and I asked Sven "do you think these holes in my jeans are okay?" thinking "wait would Jesus even be mad at my holes?…no…" 

After the service and a good hour of conversation with some of the elders there, the night grew darker and the air colder as we took a short car ride to some scenic routes along the city jamming to "brother" by needtobreathe. The night was filled with truth, photos along bridges, conversations on rooftops, short runs in leather shoes, silently cold walks along the desolate minneapolis streets watching the "gold medal flour" sign blink every couple of seconds. 

That first night I was warming welcomed in by my couch surfing host Kaylin. (yes I couch surfed for the first time!) She was more than hospitable handing me towels, offering me food, as we talked about our lives. I snacked on rice cakes and cucumbers while she told me lengthy stories of working at halloween amusement parks- which was why her bathroom was decked out in murderous decor. 

The next day, Sunday, was a 7 am started with a few church services, beautiful, intense and unique conversation, frozen waterfalls, so much coffee, organic co ops, hammocks, a broken down car, and warm invitations for the following day. Sunday turned into Monday where we got less sleep, an anxious start to the morning followed by a lovely breakfast with Svens friend Ben. In the afternoon we drove down into Rochester, MN, singing along to John Foreman, where we met a small but beautifully bright group of young adults where we would share meals with, laugh, and have in depth conversations like multiplying matter, biblical view points and food science for the next 24 hours.

Tuesday we woke, had breakfast together, shared some moments of angst, had milk & sugar in my tea for the first time in years, and sat around the table for the last time with the group and discussed the topic of love and all of the different lenses to look through it. Sven and I drove back to Minneapolis where I could catch my flight back to Los Angeles and resume life again with the whirlwind of four intense days to be in my past. We shared nice thoughts, songs, and coffee before we departed each others presence and I slept the whole way home.

If there is something I've done, that was not in my own strength, but the Lords; it would have to be this trip. The Lord showed me during this trip how intense and adventurous living in obedience for Him can be. 

Also, I wish I had taken more photos of the city and everyone I had met. I could barely tell you what Minnesota was like because I was so in-tune to everyone around me; every conversation held so much weight and meaning. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.