Have you ever had that moment where you realize there was something beautiful inside of you?
Almost as if you soul approved of what has been exported and exploding out of you-
from your lips, your hands, your heart
That was God-
The beauty of the perfect one shining in you, showing you that He has created you so wonderfully
But have you ever had that moment when you hated every inch of your being? -
the hatred, the anxiety, the rage
Pouring out, drowning you
Wondering "will it ever STOP!"
Screaming out, yet finding nothing to ease the pain
Thinking "why can't the one I love most fix me" and "why is this music just a short fix" like morphine, so good, yet impermanent
Do you run? To food, to arts, to a warm body, to drugs to hallucinate what isn't there. Too all of those feel good senses that last seconds simply lacking the One Love, the maker of your soul who is quietly and gently pursuing you and whispering "I love you, I made you, you are beautiful"
That faint sound-
That one you almost don't believe.
Thinking inwardly and outwardly "why would I believe that, that is dumb" or possibly even "why would God love ME"
And even looking to me, at this photograph, thinking "she's just delusional- almost as delusional as the drugs I ingest"
But in the midst of your agony you know you need love. That one true love. And then you start to listen and the voice only grows louder as you humbly begin to hear "I love you, I made you, you are beautiful" and your soul begins to understand and everything beautiful in you begins to becomes alive again.