it's funny how things work out

I'm planning an escape

since my portrait job is only seasonal, I'm thinking that I'll save up all the money from it and go exploring.

first stop: Washington to meet Amanda for the first time ever!

second stop: San Diego to visit Ashley

third stop: San Francisco to visit Cameron again

probably not in that order, but hopefully before spring semester starts! in the mean time, I'm going to keep praying that my photo career starts soon. though, Brandy Melville did mention they might want to send me to Santa Cruz to shoot for their company! I hope it happens. I am also applying to Free People and Urban

I got baptized tonight

for the first time
no preparation
I knew it was the time
I didn't even want to go to church
this morning, OR tonight


I've been spiritually dead
fighting back and feeling selfish
tonight was the night to be obediant
nothing else matters
as I was waiting to leave early, the pastor (or Gods message through the pastor) he happened to say "and I stay till the end, nothing bugs me more then after the message people decide to leave early...just so they can get their daily bread and leave" it was a little super natural. NONE of my friends were there either, which is not normal. I think it was meant to be like that

I pray for a uplifting friend...someone to inspire ME. I feel like I'm always pouring into other people, and no one is pouring into me.

hannah happened to be my mentor tonight, which is crazy because I've grown up with her in a way. she always seems to pop up in my life.


from now on
Jessica is patient
Jessica is kind
She does not boast
and is not proud.
Jessica does not dishonor others
she is not self seeking
or easily angered
she keeps no records of wrong doings
Jessica does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

ugh

I just want to be free


from california, and everyone in it

oh yes

today I hung out with Franklin

and we did a lot of neat stuff

day well spent

I have to post about yesterday though! Annie and I drove all through venice, santa monica, malibu, topanga, the valley, hollywood, anaheim. many pictures + NOAH AND THE WHALE! 3rd time seeing them in 2011

"were going to die reguardless. Hello 10 out of 10 people die"-Brianna

wind! strike me, pull me but don't push me over

walkways above freeways can leave you with fear

but courage makes for great memories

never let that leave me, please

but I agree to one thing: don't hop the fence to get to the LA river at night time because "nothing good happens at night", my dad always told me. some outings are labeled "D U M B"

last night, before all the nonsense, Brianna and I set foot on a man made 5-sense-full adventure...and one of the shortest ones to date.

I want to feel that rush again

I lie in your charms

thoughitharmsthebestofme

A n d I h o p e l i k e a c h i l d

Widow of the sea

willyoubetherewhentheday'sdone

willyoubethereunderthesameunder

thesamesununderthesameunderthesamesun

myyearnoughtaturnthesethings
turnthesethingsaround

I l e a r n e d f r o m y o u
ohImadetheseplansmadetheseplans

withyouarounddearwithyouarounddear

willyoubetherewhentheday'sdone

willyoubethereunderthesameunder

thesamesununderthesameunderthesamesun

lalalalalalalalalovelyasyouare,mydear

I think I'm insane,

or maybe I just have an "artists mind"

I just went back and read all my old posts. I am a roller coaster, and I don't even know it. one week I'm struggling and the next I'm having a great time. I'm truly a mixture of both.

what's going on

what is going on

first step, solitude

then second step, I don't know what it is yet but I pray for traveling

4 more weeks of school

I will survive, I'm scared

why is school so intense?

it's blowing my mind

photography is hard

then will I be aloud to take the train wherever I want?

tonight was okay...I would have much rather spent it creating my portfolios for free people and urban outfitters, but sometimes I make dumb decisions.

tomo

rrow

is a

new

day

!!!!!

"Jessica..." I keep telling myself,

..."everything in this world is either for the glory of God, or the glory of Satan...so why do you keep giving into tempation?"

"I guess I am only flesh." I reply.

(I always seem to justify everything)

I've been

slipping.

I need

something,

or someone

to hold me

accountable.

I pray for

that, or you.

I made these for breakfast

journal from scratch

I was talking with my friend Franklin the other day, and we discovered we both are deep thinkers. Days later I told him that he should make a blog because it is a great outlet for thoughts, as well as adding photos. He replied telling me that he would rather make a journal, because of privacy, etc. (boys usually like journal better anyway, I've discovered) So I told him that I have a pair of my dads old jeans that I've been dying to making something out of, and that I would make the journal for him- as long as he writes in it.

Supplies:
Shoe Box for cardboard
Jeans
Notebook Paper and Cardstock
Brads
Plastic 4x5 sheets
Envelope
A pencil
Paint
Beads



I also made a lot jean jewelery but I need a model to wear it :)

do you ever feel like me?

Me, well I'm sort of complex.

but right now I'm sick of the world, actually I'm sick of the youth that surrounds me! I can't have a facebook, I just can't. That website drives me nuts. oh...and tumblr? I HATE IT. I don't even have one, but looking at others disgusts me because it's only what they want to be, not who they are.
then I read what people have to say...and I no longer laugh and make a joke out of it...I go CRAZY! I can't stand it...or how about the "image" they try to create? can people get anymore UN original?
everyone is the same because of "trends". let me tell you, I hate trends. just a bunch of shallow people copying one another. EVERYONE IS SO WORLD-LY.
people say me and my friends are "trendy" but PLEASE, don't be fooled. we stay far away from those brand name stores as we can. I hate brands so much, I go digging in the thrift store.

then we all die...THEN WHAT? I hope you loved your profane, lustful, and shallow little lives.

back to the way I felt in august for me;suffocated
I need to get out, but where do I go?

nov. 14. 11

i deleted this too because i hated it

I think I've mentioned it before

but I'm teaching myself how to cook! about every week I do a new recipe...but I've only done breakfast so far. I think it's because I love breakfast.

this week I made apple cinnamon pancakes:

this day, I saw a movie in the movie theaters by myself for the first time ever. I'm not a movie person, though.

pt.2: last night was like the 1970s

feist concert, luck and some more spontaneous luck
thrill, scarcity
first time at the wiltern

it was one of those nights, where nothing else mattered and you did what you felt...only...but I wouldn't see feist again

pt. 1

tonight was way more interesting than it looks
tonight was a night of luck
minor major minor major, repeat

I've been lazy...

...but you have no idea, I have so much to talk about and say
actually, no I haven't been lazy. I HAVEN'T HAD TIME!

new job, new souls, new thoughts, feelings and inspirations

I'm teaching my self how to cook lately (Just working on breakfast...for now)
lived out 11-11-11
musaums
rejections, up liftings, praying and forgiiving
photography techniques
learning, a lot about the self
weather and atmosphere

ahhhhh I can't go on
I'll be back

since 7/31/11

was the day I decided I was going to live my life for God, no doubt about.
I've sinned since then, a lot
I know he is not surprised, because I am just flesh
although God is making my spiritual gift way too obvious for me
first of all my heart wants to travel and tell people about he gospel
second God is THROWN young girls in my direction to help out
3 super random, but really lovely ladies have become my good friends
I feel like God brought them into my life to strengthen
to point them in the right direction
to help, have fun and bring new light too

I love you Annie Armstron, Ali Griner and Deanne Santos :)

November 4th 2011

Ive discovered my love for cs Lewis

I'm feeling much more free
With nice answers to prayers
And great friends


Tonight was spent with Franklin, Annie and spencer.
Homemade dinners
Small discussions
" the spot"
Closer bonds



[photos later!!]

quote of the day, drawing of the day